Keeping the Peace

A 4/4 for two mana? Sweet. In white? Even better! Without a double-white casting cost? Where do I sign? That would be the logical reaction if Loxodon Peacekeeper had no text box. But alas he does and because of it, he blows and is the subject of this edition of "Bad Card Made Good."

Forget the Peacekeeper's drawback and focus on its name for a moment. It's a peacekeeper. Not many decks are going to attack headlong into a 4/4 in the early game. Add a few walls to the mix and you're in even better shape against any early onslaught.
Next, enter the Loxodon Warhammer. Asides from making sense flavour-wise, it can get you a 7/4 trampler attacking on turn four. But wait, the mighty hammer gives you life, which is going to send the Peacekeeper in search of a new home. S'all good; you still control the equipment so you'll stay high and dry, plus we'll add some means to get our buddy back for more.

You'll need to ensure that the Peacekeeper has haste when he returns home, be it on your upkeep if you're lower on life or by using Brand. Anger's a better ticket than Lightning Greaves, since we'll still want to target the traitorous elephant.
When it comes to the big finish, there are no shortage of options here. You can rupture an equipped Peacekeeper to deal seven to the world. There's also fling. But best of all? Swinging with the Peacekeeper and letting him head to the opposing bench so you can hit him with Cinder Cloud, dealing seven to your foe's skull if he's equipped. Your friend will be stunned when your "Lox" turns his life total into a bagel. ALL CREAM, NO CHEESE, BABY!

Artifacts
4 Loxodon Warhammer

Red
4 Anger
4 Brand
4 Cinder Cloud
2 Fling
4 Rupture
4 Starstorm

White
3 Angelic Wall
4 Loxodon Peacekeeper
4 Perimeter Captain

Land
4 Battlefield Forge
11 Mountain
8 Plains

I Think, Therefore I Am

Maybe tinkering with Un-cards is kind of cheating, since there are no end of rules they break for the fun of it. That said, I think we have a very unusual scenario that you wouldn't expect to be able to achieve, with Yet Another Aether Vortex. With a tricky little scenario, it can be in play simply because it says so.

Even if there are no permanents in play, and no cards in any player's hand or graveyard, Yet Another Aether Vortex can be face-up on top of your library, as well as in play. This may not seem possible in a vacuum, but consider this: you have a copy of Yet Another Aether Vortex in play, which naturally reveals the top card of your library, being... a second copy of Yet Another Aether Vortex! So the one in play makes the one on top of your library count as being in play as well, making its abilities active just as any other permanent's would be. But let's say you then play Renounce, sacrificing everything you've got except for the Vortex on top of your library. Now it is your only permanent, and it's only still in play because it says it is. "The top card of your library is in play." "Sez who?" "Me, the top card of your library!" Its ability keeps its ability active. Sure, when you draw it next turn the party is over, but whoever saw that one coming?

The Game of Life

Building off the last article, this is a quick Multiplayer variant that can add spice to an otherwise tepid game.

In this variant, life never disappears; it is passed between the players. Instead of a life total, each player begins the game with 20 poker chips, counters, whatever. (Using "fingers and toes" as a symbolic unit not recommended.) Whenever you deal damage to another player with a spell, effect or creature, that player must give you a number of chips equal to the damage. For example, if you cast Lightning Bolt on a player, he loses three chips, you gain three chips. (Even better than Lightning Helix!)

When a player has zero chips, he is out of the game. If one of your cards deals damage to you or causes you to lose life, you lose chips to the "bank," which is empty at the beginning of the game. Whenever you gain life from a spell or effect, take chips from the bank. If there aren't enough chips - as will usually be the case - you're outta luck. In addition, you may attempt to bribe other players by giving them chips, but a player who takes a bribe is not required to keep his word. Likewise, a player who promises a payment is not required to follow through on the pact.

Parting advice: with this variant, seriously watch out for Transcendence decks.

Multiplayer Madness

You and several of your friends sit down to play a big game of "chaos" multiplayer Magic fresh and full of enthusiasm. Three hours later, nobody is willing to do anything offensive, except for the guy who attacked early on - and he was ganged-up on and killed two-and-half hours ago. Now it's down to whoever played the least card-drawing and is decked last. Or maybe you got mana-screwed with only one land. For the first seven turns, your opponents took pity on you. Eventually, when you still had no land, they decided to put you out of your misery. Now, you've got to sit around for two hours - relegated to watching reruns of NBC's Saturday night "Thrillogy" - while your friends have fun.

Sound like your multiplayer games? If you've ever tried playing a large game with five or more players, you've probably run into these problems, and quite a few other ones as well. Fortunately, there are ways you can improve your multiplayer experience. Here are some of the common problems players encounter and a few solutions:

Enchant Enchantment

Local enchantments always want to be stuck on something else. Enchant creature, enchant player, even enchant world! Perhaps most accommodating of all is the enchant permanent, which can be stapled to anything at all, even... well, even another local enchantment, come to think of it. Is there something that can be done with this fact?

Consider this: play Indestructibility on one of your cards. Now play a second Indestructibility, enchanting the first one. Lastly, use Simic Guildmage to make the first Indestructibility instead enchant the second one (which is enchanting it in turn.) The result is two auras that are only kept in play by virtue of enchanting the other. Oh yeah, and in this case, they happen to be indestructible, too? Weird stuff.
"Something here is indestructible."
"What is?"
"The indestructibility."

The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Toilet paper, squirt guns and toast? Sounds like Friday Night Magic to me. That, or the cult classic that is The Rocky Horror Picture Show! It's been playing in some theatres for well over 30 years, giving it more staying power than white weenie. So why not translate that to a deck? You can bust out your own audience participation lines every time you cast a spell. And if you ever had the urge to spontaneously break out in song and prance around in drag while playing Magic - and who hasn't? - here's your big chance!

The Cast
1 Bone Dancer (Frank N. Furter)
1 Ass(embly) Hall (Brad)
1 Gwendlyn Di Corci (Janet)
1 Enslaved Horror (Rocky Horror)
1 Sengir Autocrat (Riff Raff)
1 Coffin Queen (Magenta)
1 Wind Dancer (Columbia)
1 Musician (Eddie)
1 Wizard Mentor (Doctor Scott)
1 Archivist (The Criminologist)
1 Tolarian Enchanter (The Transylvanians)

The Show
1 Abduction
1 All Hallow's Eve
1 Lightning Bolt
1 Nightmare
1 Jinxed Ring (wedding)
1 Diabolic Machine (creation of Rocky)
1 Cyclopean Mummy (creation of Rocky)
1 Dance of Many (Floor Show)
1 Heat Ray (Riff Raff's laser)

The Songs
2 Vesuvan Doppelganger ("Science Fiction Double Feature")
1 Songs of the Damned ("Dammit, Janet")
1 Frankenstein's Monster ("Over at the Frankenstein Place")
1 Time Warp
1 Transmutation ("Sweet Transvestite")
1 Sword of the Ages ("Sword of Damocles")
1 Heat Wave ("Hot Patootie")
1 Touch of Darkness ("Touch-A Touch-A Touch Me")
1 Sunglasses of Urza ("Rose Tint My World")
1 Wild Colos ("Wild and Untamed Thing")
1 Goblin Hero ("Super Heroes")

The Props
1 Incinerate (toast)
1 Hydroblast (squirt gun)
1 Kaervek's Torch (matches)
1 Talruum Piper (toilet paper)

The Set
1 Castle Sengir
1 Rocky Tar Pit
4 City of Brass
7 Swamp
6 Island
5 Mountain

Ante Up

Ante cards were an interesting but generally disliked part of the Magic universe. In the game's beginnings, playing for ante was the expected thing to do - cards were on the line, and if you won it was considered good form to offer to trade your opponent's ex-ante card back for something else. Of course, with remarks of advocating satanism already on the game's head, Wizards didn't want the idea of supporting gambling in there as well. Also, rumour has it people don't like losing their cards. So, ante cards are all banned and no one really plays for ante anymore.

That doesn't mean it never happens. And if it does, there are some pretty rude tricks one can pull.

An evil deck can be built with just 56 swamps and four copies of Darkpact, a black sorcery that lets you switch the top card of your library with either ante card. You'll probably flip up a swamp as your ante card. You can later cast Darkpact to switch your top library card - another Swamp - with your opponent's ante card. Then concede and laugh maniacally.

Another nasty trick involves one of the few ante creatures, Tempest Efreet. Once your opponent has played something particularly nice, cast the Efreet, which lets you switch ownership of it and any card in your opponent's hand. Use discard to knock out his hand, then a bounce spell like Boomerang to pop a cool card back to his hand to be nailed by the Efreet. Not bad, but the clincher? Make a token of the Efreet and use it instead! Yes, you legally take one of your opponent's cards (or just win) and he gets squat. Pulling it off with Dance of Many is pretty mean, but see what happens when you enchant him with Splinter Twin.

Lastly, Contract from Below. What's the mean trick involving this card? Oh, just playing it. People said Ancestral Recall is okay for netting you three card for one mana; this gets you seven for the same amount. Plus, if you're playing 5-colour Magic, it has errata saying you don't ante anything if you're not playing for ante... meaning it has no real drawback. Whee....