Safety First

We often talk about games here, and it's important in any recreational activity to observe a proper degree of safety. For cycling, that means wearing a helmet. For rock climbing, having a partner and a well-maintained harness. For boating, a lifejacket and maybe a signal flare. Now I know what you're all thinking: what safety equipment is required for massacres...?

Er... also a helmet!

Sometimes I can't figure out my fellow man. Who was this guy who happened to have a sticker of a bicycle helmet? Did he go through the bins looking for a picture it would fit on? Or did he make up his mind to stick it to a copy of Massacre, regardless of whether it would be a good match, and found the results pleasing? Or - just maybe - did he custom-make the sticker expressly for this purpose?

And at the end of it all, why play catch and release? Wouldn't you be proud for your efforts after so painstakingly looking for the card that would accommodate your sticker? Only Crovax's hairdresser knows for sure.

The Adventures of Bulbasaur

Sometimes a card tells a story. Floodgate. Orgg. Elder Cathar. Shahrazad (wait, not like that.)

But then, sometimes a card is literally telling a story.

I found this gem a year or so ago and I wish I knew more. The 33/64 in the bottom left suggests this was part of a 64-part story, as told by drawn-on Magic cards. I was only able to find one other card from the series, and it was so generic and filler that it didn't even warrant purchasing for a dime. Was this a sprawling epic about the adventures of Bulbasaur? Was he merely a bit part in the greater narrative? Will he ever find companionship in CITY? These, my friends, are questions we'll simply never know.

Alternatively, someone very purposefully made only the two pieces with the implication that they were part of a larger story, in which case well trolled, sir.

Alternate Art

There's a "regular" feature here that I've neglected far too long, especially considering how much fuel I have on hand. That is, more snippets of my collection: oddly-edited cards, misprints and general esoterica uncovered by yours truly during regular romps through the local commons bin.

Today's feature? A couple of cards featuring unique alternate art... not from the original artist.

Time Vault

I like seeing the collections of people who stopped playing at some point, particularly if their cards are all of the pre-8th Edition frame. Their collections are like a snapshot trapped in time, of decks that didn't use newer, stronger versions of cards not because they didn't want to, but because they didn't exist. In 2001, nobody missed not having Tarmogoyf or Planeswalker cards (ugh) because they didn't know to miss them.

Viashino Sandswimmer is a card that I've never used and don't own. I don't know anyone who has used or owned it. If I've physically seen the card, I can't recall having done so. I know what it does and would recognize it immediately, but in terms of it being a physical object, it might as well not exist to me.

But for someone out there, it was one of their precious few, 117-odd cards. It was perhaps one of three rares they owned. Maybe it was their first rare. Maybe it was their only rare. They played it in their red deck (which splashed green just because they didn't have enough red cards for a full deck) and it was one of their flagship creatures. Isn't that a weird and wonderful thought? For nearly any card that isn't named Wood Elemental, someone out there made it work for them.

Have you used Spined Fluke? You probably haven't, have you? Maybe you don't even own one. But it was the MVP of a messy-yet-effective four-colour deck I had once. Five power and cheap regeneration for three mana, what's not to like? It ate many a blocker, quickly making up for any card disadvantage you might foolishly assume it would have.

Everyone's Magic collection has a little story - no, is a little story - and there's nothing like a quaint little time capsule to remind one of that fact.

I really need a Marsh Flitter!

So this story begins as all the others - one day, whilst flipping through the depths of my local cardstore's 10-cent bin...






















...yup. Someone was this hard up for a Marsh Flitter. So much so that they then left the card for me to find. Clearly the colour and mana cost are correct, and of course the name and power/toughness had to be fixed... but the rules text? I don't remember the Flitter reading like that. Corpse counters, huh. Oh wait, what's that? "Make 2 Dudes." Well... there you have it. Marsh Flitter to a T.

So anyways, come fight my awesome Rogue deck sometime. I will make dudes at you.

Copper-plated Frogmite

A few years ago, while Mirrodin block was still in vogue, I was going through a 10-cent bin. Along the way I found... a Frogmite.

A very special Frogmite.



A goddamn copper-plated Frogmite.

So what's the story? Maybe some guy was sitting around at a Mirrodin draft, bored out of his skull as he waited, and decided to pimp out his Froggie. A copper gel pen, a solid common and too much time ended up as this. So yes, after decking out his mechanical frog with what should be at least a visual +0/+1 bonus, he stuffed it back into the bins. Now, it serves as the general of the 4 Frogmites in my Affinity deck - Hell, if I get a gold and a silver gel pen, I could have an entire heirachy of them.

I think we're on to something.

Goblin Kites

A few weeks ago, I was rifling through the 10-cent bin at my local cardstore. While diligently looking for oh, I don't know, something else, I found a Goblin Kites.

But it wasn't just any Goblin Kites.




















...SERIOUSLY?!

That is the single worst cutting job I have ever seen on a card. Whomever is responsible must have done so with a hacksaw, the handle gripped not-so-expertly between his buttocks. Seriously... I've seen cards with uneven borders, but never one with a border completely missing! But wait, look closely... is that? Yes. You can see a tiny fragment of a green card spilling onto the top of the Goblin Kites. How lovely. Ah, it's just as well - what good did green give us in Fallen Empires? In fact, what good did Fallen Empires give us at all? Asides from the game-breaker that is Delif's Cone, I mean.

So, I believe I may very well have the world's oldest split card.