Gimme Some Candy

Peanuts, raisins, nickels... Halloween hosts can sometimes throw real crap into your candy bag. And that's just while visiting the normal everyday American folk. Imagine what it's like in Dominaria. I did, and so I tapped my Orcish Spy to find out what those bizarre Magic denizens mete out. Now, I wish I'd never asked....

Juzam Djinn gives out li'l Arabian dudes.

Kird Apes ask if you have a forest, and if you do, they shower you with kisses.

Taunting Elf calls you a sissy for dressing up.

Wood Elemental gives you a tree. Bring a big bag.

Plague Spitters... well... you don't want to ring their doorbell.

Takklemaggots... actually, forget them, too.

Stone-Throwing Devils calmly put bags of peanut M&Ms in your sack. Surprised?

Sengir Autocrats hand out Serfs to the first three kids to their houses.

Demonic Tutor hands out anti-Satanism pamphlets. It's part of his community service.

Merfolk hand out fried Dan-Dan chunk on a stick.

Goblin Digging Team will give you anything you want in their neighbors' houses.

Abominations give you slices of their gums.

Carrion Ants give you chocolate-covered ants. Creepy, no?

Time Elementals return your lost youth & beauty. Bonus!

Rabid Wombats give you popcorn.

Licids give you a headache.

Coal Golems drop a load of burning hot cinders into your sack.

Rock Hydras give out little electric guitars.

Spitting Slugs give out spoonfuls of mucus-line phlegm.

Copper Gnomes give out pennies. Bastards!

Vesuvan Doppelgangers give you a Hershey Bar, then take it back and give you a Snickers, then take it back and give you a Three Musketeers, then take it back and...

Hidden Guerrillas don't open the door.

Walking Sponges can't open the door. They're just sponges, you know.

Mother of Runes gives you a li'l baby Rune.

Opal Champion never opens the door. It'd really, really like to open the door and give you candied apples, but it just can't.

Eron the Relentless keeps giving you individual, unwrapped Jujubes, until you just walk away.

Illusionary Forces drop something in your bag, but you can't figure out which candy was theirs.

Ebon Praetor gives nothing unless you're dressed as a bunny. Then, he gives you an apple.

Disease Carriers give you syphilis.

For that special someone you really, really hate.

You've had opponents you hate. That guy who thinks he's a Magic virtuoso just because he can pilot a burn deck. The kid who just started playing and thinks he knows it all, but still tries to attack your creatures every single game. The girl who wants to play "fast mana." The old timer who plays Stasis.

But has there even been one guy... that guy... who was worse than all the others? That you really wanted to get back at? That you wanted to... physically destroy a bunch of his expensive cards? In-game... and legally, too?

That got your attention.

1. Play Mycosynth Lattice. Everything in play is now an artifact.
2. Play March of the Machines. Everything in play is now an artifact creature. (You should probably play something like Glorious Anthem to make sure your lands stick around.)
3. Play Blacker Lotus. It will now be a creature, thanks to March of the Machines.
4. Play Mindslaver to take over your opponent's next turn.
5. During his turn, play Mirrorweave, targeting your now-animate Blacker Lotus.
6. Proceed to activate the Lotus' ability for all of your opponent's permanents.
7. Oh, yes.

Be forewarned - if your opponent catches on to your master plan, he'll either concede or start bashin' heads. Still, this is among the most evil things I think you can 'legally' do in a Magic game.

A Different Kind of Experiment

Taking the activated abilities of creatures is good, but why stop there? Sure, putting a +1/+1 counter on Avatar of Woe and a Horseshoe Crab means you can pay one blue mana to blow up any creature as often as you want, but that's more-or-less under the purview of what's expected. A better combo essentially chews up and spits out the rules of the game.

1. Have Mycosynth Lattice, March of the Machines and Experiment Kraj out.
2. Play any planeswalker. Thanks to your other cards, it is a planeswalker, an artifact and a creature all at once.
3. Put a +1/+1 counter on the planeswalker. Experiment Kraj now has all activated abilities of the planeswalker. So get this - the rules that say a planeswalker's abilities can only be used once per turn pertain to planeswalkers specifically, which Kraj is not. Since they don't require tapping or anything else, you can use any +X abilities the planeswalker has as much as you want to get an arbitrary number of loyalty counters on Kraj.
4. It's like Christmas morning. Bounce everything with Jace, the Mind Sculptor, immediately wipe your opponent's lands with Ajani Vengeant, throw out Nicol Bolas, Planeswalker's ultimate ability three times just to be safe. Anyone left? The various Chandras can throw all the damage in the world at their faces.

Congratulations, you've just passed Breaking The Game 101. Who knew a planeswalker spark was so easy to replicate?